i believe in mr. grieves

Remember November

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 23:16:15 GMT

Nothing lasts forever, in the cold November rain.

It's true. I know im not the only one who feels like life is kicking my ass right about now. This is the time of year where things tend to crash and burn. Thinking back to the past few years, November hasnt failed to be depressing. Its where everything changes. Its when the sun sets at 5:30pm, leaves change colors and fall to the ground while trees stand naked and alone. Relationships between friends and lovers fade, people close to you pass away. It's when you realize you can't hold on to the things you love forever. All you can do is remember. I wonder why it's so beautiful outside when so many people are struggling to keep their head on straight.Breathe in clean air and a gorgeous atmosphere, and let out a sigh of distress. Maybe its natures way of telling us to always look on the bright side of life. That these changes are happening for a reason, and without them you might not be able to move on to the next phase of life. I also wonder if our lives synchronize with the seasons...it seems possible..

i voted for kodos

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 04:52:59 GMT

In the wise words of Homer J. Simpson..." These candidates make me want to vomit in terror."
well said sir... well said.

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 23:15:30 GMT

the wind is howling today. nonetheless its absolutely gorgeous outside. though it has something a little eerie about it, as if something is going to happen. but this has been building up for quite some time cos ive been feeling it. i dont know what it is but its coming.

im sorry?

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 17:13:07 GMT

how can a person who is not religious cleanse themselves of all the things theyve done in life that they regret? besides " dont do anything you'll regret from now on". cos i already know that, thats not the point. i want these things undone, gone from my memories and my mind. i see my wrongs and rights and ive learned my lessons. do you think i can go around apologizing to anyone ive hurt or given a tainted image of myself? is anybody even listening?

magnetic chess boards bring me great joy

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 07:48:47 GMT

i love when people unexpectingly come to visit me, it makes me happy. Will came by today and i schooled him at chess. I'LL SCHOOL ANY OF YOU BITCHES AT CHESS!IM THE CHESSMASTER! DAMNIT!
also.. he introduced me to the grey album- DJ dangerous mouse. It's jay-z's The Black album mixed with the music from The beatles white album. You must be thinking, "GUAH!?!¿" what kind of fucked up combination is thaT? normally i would be irritated with anyone that uses or does a cover of a beatles song. The beatles do not need their songs to be re-done! they are perfect just the way they are! anyway.. i suprisingly liked what i heard. only the beatles could make jay-z's crap rap bareable to listen to.

after will's departure i just layed around all over the place trying to get comfortable. it was toooo muh fuggin hot today. as i was melting into the ground i heard a knock knock knockin at my door and it just so happend to be Janine! i haven't seen her in a yeaar or so, along with any of my other friends that went to Troy highskoo. i love that it could be years before you see certain friends, but things between you will never change. those are the friendships i value the most. it was nice seeing her again.
tonight im really fond of exclaimation marks! if you havent noticed!it makes things seem more EXcitinG!
im going to have a hell of a time trying to sleep tonight. i mean is it blaazin' hot or is it just me?...its just me. in heat. muahaha!

theres someone in my head but its not me

Thu, 05 Aug 2004 09:50:48 GMT

today i moped around the house like a cranky baby. there really hasnt been anyone to hang out with lately. so i spent most of the day in da womb and finished reading the bell jar. i thought it was pretty good, but it made me feel like i was going insane along with the character in the book. or maybe i just wondered what it would be like to be looney.the lunatic is in my head. i wondered what it would be like to live in an asylum. it couldnt be thaat bad...the nurses would come feed me , everything would be clean, i could make friends witha bunch of abnormal personalities, the suicide attempts, shock therapy, .... itd probably be fun..-- i remember hearing somewhere that if a persons conscious thought was the same as it is in the dream state,they would be considered insane

we all have some form of insanity in us, it just depends on what can drive us to it. there are those that can lock it in their subconscious and throw away the key. those that snap quite frequently. those that have altered their mind perminently by using and abusing. those in complete denial. those that suppress it until their downfall. etc etc. ..all in all its just another brick in the wall..

oh and also i went to the store and bought deoderant that actually protects against prespiration! THat was exciting.

decision making is over rated

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 22:54:06 GMT

this thing has been collecting dust for quite some time now. im just tooo freakin lazy to write in it, or to share my little thoughts with everyone. but for the time being i really have nothing better to do. so here are some wise words from my good friend Mr. Chuck Palahnuik..

" Power, money, food, sex, love. can we ever get enough, or will getting some make us crave even more? do i really want a big house, a fast car, a thousand beautiful sex partners? do i really want these things? or am i trained to want them? are these things really better than the things i already have? or am i just trained to be dissatisfied with what i have now? am i just under a spell that says nothing is ever good enough?"

i am an indecisive bitch. im not even sure what i want. i'd like to get a job and have some money, but when i have money i dont know what to do with it. and when my money is gone i think of all sorts of things that i want. and once i have a job (+ school) i wont have enough time to spend money on the things i want to doo. i'd like a car, but i dont like the idea of paying for all the shit that comes along with owning a car. i'd like to meet a decent boy, but im not sure i want to deal with the complications of a realtionship yet. it'd be great to move away from so. cali, unless the places i move to is far worse than here.i would looovvve to be sexually relieved-by someone who i wont end up resenting. should i grow my hair long or cut it shorT? what on earth are my career goals?! am i hungry for a banana or a bag of flamin hot cheetos? are you annoyed by this? cos i certainly am.

miles davis! you my only friend

Sat, 31 Jan 2004 08:58:06 GMT

i love jazz. on faded evenings like these where my body is so relaxed and soothed by the music. its the perfect kind of music to day dream too. just go with the tone of the song and act on how it makes you feel.chillaxx. its amazing how drugs can put you ina different state of mind. preferably maryjuana. if you pay attention and let your surroundingss and the reefer and the music take control of you, you will feel a different perception on things. its almost like.. getting your mind to concentrate, and letting your body relax and indulge into euphoria.i may sound crazy later on, but as of right now,, i make a whole lot of sense damnit.
i decided that thinking TOO much gets you no where, it just makes you feel insecure, and paranoid about things and situations. so i decided to kick my thinking level down a knotch. when i write or draw or talk to people , i will do it on a stream of conciousness. i dont give a flying fuck if i make an ass out of myself in doing so. who is there to impress? mostly everyones inner gut wants to find a love interest who admires and appreciates who you are.i feel most comfortable in my mind and that is how i express who i am. whether i seem bizarre, or curious, strange, confused, full of life etc, i am something different everyday.
maybe this little blurp wont make any sense in the morning.
learn to take a break from being selfish human beings and start appreciating the little things in life. it will put you at some level of ease.thats all i have to say tonight.
my ickle stream of conciousness...

i need a fix cos im going down

Sat, 28 Jun 2003 09:36:11 GMT

BWAH! my nerves are shot, every muscle in my body feels tense, negativity is flowing furiously through my mental state of mind. it feels as if there is a belt wrapped tightly around my head. why wont it just come loose? why cant i just.. relaaaxxx...
only a day and a half without you and my body misses you already. im on the verge of tears.i want you baaad baby, real bad.
after all these years, all those sessions. ive never felt like this before. just the thought of it, the smell, sends a warm sensation to my zone. the sweet sweet taste of it leaves my mouth dry but always hungry for more. it blackens my lungs, killing me faster then my fate.

attractive, no?

who would of thought that the lack of a little bit of greenery could leave me feeling sick to my stomach. deprivation is not my friend

reminiscing...

Thu, 25 Jul 2002 09:33:05 GMT

at this very moment i should be in marin county / san fransisco with caitlin at her grandparents house. i would probably be dragging caitlin beside me as i run past the bathroom, because i am afraid of a picture hanging in the hall way. or tip toeing around on hallow wood floor looking for something to eat, finding nothing but stale food. then we would play with mimi's beauty products for hours on end. followed by numerous games of pasoy.
i remember winter..4 days of relaxation, 4 days of continuous rain, 4 days of getting away from home.
i remember skidding my shoes on wet pavement. i can still feel a trickle of rain drops on my nose. we danced around the lonely streets of downtown san fransisco. ive never felt such comfort. at the time i was content. i wanted to run away... become a street kid, live my life as an art fag.

i would give anything to be there now, even for a little while... to keep my mind off of how i'm really feeling. to meet someone ive never met before. to be someone ive never been before. to get away from everything and everyone i know now.
maybe i would come back with a different perspective on life. maybe i'll learn something about my self that i never knew. maybe i'll learn how to be myself.

in my dreams those nights in san fransisco, i entered a world i could never live in, not yet anyway...

Wed, 24 Jul 2002 23:20:09 GMT

sometimes i wish people would just ask me how im doing, but really want to know as well.

bleh

Wed, 24 Jul 2002 22:43:41 GMT

i spend my days watching his every move
i go on with my life unnoticed, i wait for a response of any kind
i tighten my fists and pound them into an unbreakable wall in hopes of getting through
all i want is to know someone, to be close to them.
who would of thought it could be so difficult.